Aug 3, 2005
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ John Bolton Appointed

President Bush Appoints Cliff Claven As US Ambassador To United Nations

Senate Surprise..

George Bush has announced his new ambassador to the UN while the Senate is in recess.

The nomination of Cliff Claven for the position of US ambassador to the UN had been repeatedly blocked in the Senate due to Claven's reputation for 'bluntness.'

Cliff Claven
John Bolton

Claven has immediately moved to retain the services of Norm and Woody to help in his work.

An extract from Mr Claven's opening address, accepting his nomination, is below:

"Well, ya see, it's like this: The UN can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the UN as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members."

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."*

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*Adapted from original quote spoken by John Ratzenberger in TV's popular Cheers

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