THE
FIRST (PRE VIEWING) CRITICAL REVIEW
Boy!
what a film, filled with special effects and light sabres! Some say this episode
is as good as Empire Strikes Back, and sheesh is that a point!
We
are absolutely delighted to see that
Jar Jar Binks is included in ROTS. (Are we the only ones who watched Episode
One and loved this figure of profound comedic genius? Binks' long, floppy,
ears and his deliciously slurpy talking style, not to mention that tongue which
was a marketing tie-in joy from start to finish.)
Ewan
McGregor's acting has made some critics demand that he go back to acting school,
or at least take some refresher night classes. Has McGregor simply forgotten how
to act? Or is he attempting to sabotage the movie by saying all his lines 'funny-like'?
From what we have read, McGregor seems to succeed in sounding as 'pissed off'
as Alec Guinness was to be associated with the original movie (Guinness always
referred to Star Wars IV as that 'bloody film'). That sounds good enough for us
guv.
As
for wardrobe and decor: The capes and curtains are poorly color matched from start
to finish, with, at times, the wrong kind of fabrics used. Why oh why oh why do
the wardrobe people go for black every time? That is all just so 1970's! Darth
Vader would look so much better in a nice burgundy, or cream, embellished by 16-32
oz bad boy gold curb chain. The minimalism of the badness is now simply too old
fashioned for us: it's like an extra in Saturday Night Fever has just become the
evilest man in the universe. What Vader needs is Bling! Bling! Bling!
Some
of the dialogue is poor. Take this snippet from the movie, when Obe Wan sees Vader
in a corridor:
Obe
Wan: Oi,
You! Young
Vader: Me? Obe
Wan: Yea,
you! Young
Vader: What?
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LucasFilms 2005 |
Thankfully,
computer animated Yoda does not disappoint. Yoda manages to 'cuff the lugholes'
off a number of baddies and skilfully murders and mashs up his enemies with a
humorousness not seen on the big screen since live action Scooby Doo. Bravisimo!
The
main spoiler is, of course, what makes Anakin turn to the dark side. (The reason
is because he is trying to protect pregnant Padme, his secret wife.)
One
of the climaxes is the fight between Obe Wan and Darth Vader in which Obe Wan
leaves Vader with no arms or legs just exactly like that scene in Monty Python's
Holy Grail, except more expensively filmed. Watch as Vader's body and head stand
upright on the ground shouting 'Coward!' 'Come back and fight!'
You
are guaranteed to be rushing out to see Episode IV immediately after seeing this
movie!
And
finally, the biggest question of all, is answered:
Why
did they make these movies in this order?
The
answer is now clear: Had they done these films in the order 1, 2, 3... they never
would have made episodes 4, 5 and 6....
This
pre-watch review was completed after a study of rude comments (including text
messages), very saucy innuendo and amateur reviews found on the internet before
the movie has been released. At the time of writing this page we had not seen
the movie. |
