April 28, 2005
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Vogon Poetry Special

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy Special: Enter Our Vogon Poetry Competition

The world's funniest awful Vogon poetry... ?

To coincide with the Disney movie release of the Douglas Adams classic, Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, we are offering readers the chance to display their own awful Vogon Poetry in a controlled environment...

The rules are simple. The poetry must be at least in an English language dialect and be no more than 6 lines in length.

The entries we have received so far are below, if you think you can do worse, e-mail it to

I Ache, I Feel Like The World Is Spinning. Pass Me the Phone Book With Une Glass of Vin d'Rouge? by Henry Bedfellows, Glasgow
Ooooohh! Leg, you hurt me like that Alicante car hire we once tried!
Budget rental of our nightmares! The steering wheel made my prostrate cancer worse...
Now I know why they were so adamant to get my credit card number and expiration date to begin with:
Driving the car was like being drunk and at the wheel without any of the advantages of being pissed.... Oh Camp down races sing this song doo dar, doo dar.....

Or this thing:

Cheap Housing of the 1960's gave me mesothelioma by Brenda Thurguttle, Sheffield
So, you are a mesothelioma lawyer? You look more like a golf caddyman to me
Tanned and fit and wearing a big floppy hat knitted out of a goat(that goes oink!)'s hair.
Or are you selling cheap life insurance, 'just sign on the dotted line' as they say?
You certainly have the baldness for it.... slap head...

Ever been on one of those timeshare vacation thingies they advertise on the internet? The essence of this is caught perfectly in this Vogon timeless classic:

Oh, Cheapest Car hire in Malaga, Why Didn't You Let Us Down As Your Reputation Seemed To Guarantee? by Dan Crush, Aberystwyth
We didn't have any home equity loans all ready to buy our timeshare! No time!
Cheap life and health insurance was forgotten, too, of course.
However, your damn blurgy hired car got us to the timeshare on time to meet our appointment! Damn You!
And then we couldn't get away for 17 hours while they tried to sell us something...
Our bottoms sang: 'oooooooooo hhhhhhhhh aaaaaaaaarrr gggggggggghhh!!! hhhhheeeeee iiiii oooooo ppppll!!!'

Send your funny Vogon poetry to

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