March 21, 2005
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Cricket Commentary

Condoleeza Rice Wishes She Hadn't Asked For Cricket Explanation

Internet comes to aid of Foreign Secretary?

Condoleeza Rice has been inundated with explanations of how to play cricket from people across the world.

(During a recent tour of India/Pakistan the USA's foreign secretary said that a knowledge of cricket - which is passionately followed in the area - would help her understand the dynamics of the area better.)

So, here we present the best 8 cricket explanations from our readers:

Marcia, Washington DC: "It's a bit like baseball except the players don't run in circles, there are always two batsmen up at any one time, and the players don't have enormous stomachs."

Boy James, Marseilles: "A cricket bat is like a flattened baguette made out of oak."

James, Wimbledon: "The batting side is in until the other side gets them out, or it's the end of an innings, or it's cup-of-tea-time. Your team is out when there is nobody left to come in to bat and the bowling side are not still in the pavilion drinking tea."

Ichtmar, Kashmir: "There are two sides, one armed with a bat, the other with a ball. The one with the ball throws it as hard as he can at the one with the bat, who tries to defend himself by hitting the ball as far away as possible."

Horace, Mexico: "If the bowler manages to hit the bail, which sits on the wicket behind the batsman, the batsman is out. If there's a LBW (leg before wicket) everyone on the bowling side must jump up and down with their finger in the air and shout HOWZAT? to the umpire (who always holds everyone's jersey round his waist)."

Harry, Venezuela: "The bowler must make the ball bounce once before it reaches the batsman. There must be no throwing of the ball directly at the batsman even if your country has just invaded Kashmir."

Sugar Bob, Monte Carlo: "Play stops for tea at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Batsmen may remove their leg and head shields at this time if they want or can keep them on. If, however, they spill tea on the cricketing whites they must pay a forfeit in the showers later."

Bruce, Sydney: "Sometimes, to get some free publicity, a person from the crowd will run across the field completely starkers (naked). Batsmen must not try to hit the balls on the streaker with their bats even if they come close enough."

If you have a favourite cricketing explanation you would like to send Condi, send it to us first.
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