Jan 18, 2005
The home of world comedy spoof entertainment +++ Doing Nothing Has Never Been Easier!

New Year Resolutions Help: The New Year Sofa Workouts™©*

The Couch Potato Workout They're All Talking About!

No time in your busy television viewing schedule...?

Can't do anything because you've just got to get to the next level tonight on your new computer game...?

...but you still want to make good on your New Year Resolution to workout and look great?

Well, here's the good news! You can have your perfect body if you follow every one of our World Exclusive New Year Sofa Workouts™©*.

Using just things to hand while you sit on your sofa, we will show you how to build the body of your dreams, starting right now!

Yes, you read us right! You don't need expensive, sweaty, time consuming, gym memberships or jogging clothes, to have the body of your dreams!

All you need for your first workout is a sofa and be able to close your eyes!

But don't just take our word for it, let's hear from some of our happy customers in these testimonials:

Jean, OH: "Your New Year Sofa Workouts™©* have revolutionised my life. I feel fitter and more flexible without even lifting a finger. I lost 2 ounces in my first session!"

Brian, PT: "When I closed my eyes I could feel the fat dissolve inside of me!"

Esther, NY: "Well done! Bravisimo! I would recommend this to all my friends!"

Here is your first lesson:

The I'm Feeling Full Meditation

WARNING Before starting this workout, ensure that you have finished off any half eaten processed meat or pastry products which may have become stuck at the back of the sofa.

Sit slouched on the sofa. Get comfortable (make sure you aren't sitting on the remote, the cat, or half eaten food items).

Slowly close your eyes. (Don't worry if you can't manage to close them both together, one at a time is fine.)

Chant to yourself: "I feel completely full to the top of my head. I feel like I am going to burst. Just like someone has stuck a hose in my mouth and turned it on, I feel so full."

Take a deep breath and slowly exhale...

Repeat the following line 250 times:

"Nice beautiful body of my dreams come to me." (Breath IN, Breath OUT) (Stop if you feel out of breath or light-headed.)

In tests, 75% of all customers who did this meditation lost at least an ounce in weight!

Stay tuned for more of our New Year Sofa Workouts™©*. Remember, you too can be fit and look fantastic without having to do anything whatsoever! And, over the next few weeks, we'll show you how!

COMING SOON: Other sessions to look out for in this multi-part web magazine include:


The watching a scary movie heart cardio workout.

The potato-chip bowl balanced on your abs workout.

Tips on how to slow down your eating to the same rate as your metabolism.


Stroking your cat for stronger fingers and forearms.

Juggling the batteries from the TV remote workout.


Lifting your cat above your head for increased upper body strength.

Touch your toes with the TV remote workout.


Click here to e-mail a link to a friend

*Consult your Doctor before undertaking any new exercise program

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