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A CBS 60 Seconds Report: Is God Trying to Kill Jeb Bush?

Next week: Are Al Qaeda butterflies causing the Florida Hurricanes using the method of chaos theory?
A CBS 60 Seconds™ Report
Under attack

Today on 60 Seconds™ we discover chilling new evidence that proves categorically that Almighty God is trying to put an end to the life of the Governor of Florida, Jeb Bush, using the method of wind.

Here in the newsroom we have discovered new evidence in the form of an e-memorandum sent by a priest who has since died.

This memorandum has been verified using the method of 'description over the telephone' by five experts, all of whom are happy to vouch the authenticity of this shocking e-memo because that's why we paid them in the first place.

What you are about to see, for the first time, below, is the actual e-mail sent by a Republican priest who has personally prayed for the president.

This e-mail shows that clear warnings from the church were given, indicating dire warnings from above.

111th Fighting Christians Squadron
PO BOX 34567
Houston, Texas 77034
1 st August 2004

 

MEMORANDUM FOR 1st Lt Jeb Bush

SUBJECT: Retribution from Almighty God: Flood, Fire and/or Pestilence

I had a very agitated man come into the office last Thursday reciting passages from the Old Testament and I thought you ought to know about it. It all got a little eerie, a little like the priest scene in The Omen. Just letting you know, probably nothing. Hope you survive the four hurricanes coming your way.

Yours ever,

Jerry B Goode
Father

Soon after writing this memorandum, Father Goode was killed by lightning which struck him through the chin.

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