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World Exclusive George Bush vs John Kerry Cyber Match

Who will die in their first cyber match up?

Starting today, and utilising only the very latest in cyber combat technology, we bring you the world's first US presidential cyber match...

Round One...

Bush2004: Come on coward I'm gonna whoop your ass

Kerry2004: You couldn't whoop your own ass, loser. Name your weapon

Bush2004: A fish tank

Kerry2004: ? I'll have a vacuum cleaner

Bush2004: My fish tank is full of water and has fifty fishies in it

Kerry2004: I have a blow and suck feature on my vacuum cleaner

Bush2004: OK let's fight! One of my deadly-poisonous fishies jumps out of the tank and bites you on the nose, you die

Kerry2004: Not so quick boy! I turn the vacuum cleaner nozzle on my nose and suck the little fishy and all of its poisonous venom out and then turn the vacuum cleaner onto your tank and suck all the water out then blow it all back in your face. You die of suffocation...

Bush2004: Argh! Damn! Splash! You sucked all my fishies out of the tank too! Damn you! Hey, but wait a minute, vacuum cleaners can't suck water, you are electrocuted and you die

Kerry2004: ZZZZZZt! My hair's all standing up on end! But your fish tank hasn't got any water in it so your weapon is useless... you die too

Bush2004: I throw my empty fish tank at your head, you die

Kerry2004: I duck. I unplug the vacuum cleaner [to ensure I don't get electrocuted again] and then throw it at your head. You are knocked unconscious.

Bush 2004: Argh! But one of my little fishies that you thought was laying on the floor all dead comes back to life and bites you on the leg. You die

Kerry2004: You died first

Bush2004: You died first...

To be continued

Stay tuned for more presidential candidate cyber match-ups here, exclusively, on the world's voice of reason

 

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