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Wife Attempts To Cut Husband's Penis Off With iPod

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A woman has confessed to police that she may be 'technologically backward' after attempting to remove her husband's penis with an iPod, we have been informed.

The incident occurred last week while the man was sleeping on his back.

"I pulled and banged it down five times but nothing happened," said the woman, "Do you need to have it switched on?"

Tabloid penis-cutting-off experts say this is the first time they have heard of someone attempting to do such a thing with what is 'pretty much a smooth-to-the-touch object with no sharp edges'.

The iPod used in the attack has still not been found but is believed to contain at least one Marilyn Manson track.

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