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Slow Computer Users Welcome Sasser Worm Attack
Users welcome 1998 levels of productivity

Slow computer users around the world breathed a sigh of relief this week when their computers were slowed by the Sasser worm, we have been assured.

The hands of a happy 'slow user' during Sasser attack, Tuesday

A survey, carried out by the Ergonomic Workstations Committee of the Newly Enlarged European Union, says that the average computer user has been struggling to keep up with ever faster computer processors for the last five years.

In the survey, most users said they were last comfortable with using a computer at around the 500MHz speed level, but, since then, because of faster speeds, they have become muddled.

Modern computers bought from shops today can run at over 3000 MHz, baffling some computer users when attempting run-of-the-mill word processor or spreadsheet tasks.

With computers doubling in speed on average every 4 years, an underclass of slow computer users, which sees no chance of ever catching up, continues to grow.

That was until the Sasser worm slowed down their computers earlier in the week, restoring some users to productivity levels last seen in 1998.

But, in spite of the pain caused by high processor speeds to the estimated 65% of computer users who says they are slow to very-slow speed users, IT departments across the globe quickly moved to destroy the Sasser worm and resume normal, fast, service.

Following the attacks, some users were left fondly remembering times past.

A bookkeeper from WKRP Accounts told us:

"During the attack, my computer ran at what I consider to be a reasonable speed. I cannot even start to thank the Sasser worm terrorists for their superb work. I am looking forward to the next attack. Well done to all those concerned!"

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