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'Panic Attack Diet' is even more controversial than Atkins
Want to lose weight? Just scream!
The 'more controversial than Atkins' Panic Attack Diet

A new diet, which requires participants to suffer 30 whole minutes of hysterical panic every day, is set to hit the bookshelves this July.

The diet is being launched using the current heightened state of security as a marketing plus.

People on the Panic Attack Diet™© are scared witless for 30 minutes each day in an attempt to control their metabolism.

One of the drawbacks of the diet is that participants sometimes lose all of their hair. There is also some evidence that it could be linked to heart attacks.

The diet is particularly effective for the extremely cowardly, people who are naturally timid, and those who are unable to cope when faced with even mild levels of stress.

Heroic fatties are unlikely to be able to simulate the required levels of hopeless insecurity required for optimal weight loss through this diet.

The advantage of this diet is that the participant, or victim, as they are known, can eat anything they want, they are just too frightened to.


Each victim of the diet is given twenty, three page, panic scenarios.

The dieter follows the developing scene of hopelessness which is designed to induced a heightened level of paranoia and panic. We are printing an example of a typical panic scenario below.

An online, interactive, version of the diet is to be made available later in the year.

Page 1
You are about to be taken hostage. You are surrounded. You are completely defenceless. PANIC NOW!
Turn the page after ten minutes...
Page 2
Oooh, what's that? Can't hear anything? Things might be looking up!
No, that click you just heard is someone taking the safety catch off a gun! You are completely doomed once more! PANIC AGAIN!
Turn the page after ten minutes...
Page 3
Heard nothing yet? Well your attackers are just around the corner. RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES NOW! PANIC for another 10 minutes!
Following your panic workout, lay motionless on the bed or floor for 30 minutes
Example of Panic Flash cards, part of the panic diet.

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