The home of world comedy truth entertainment +++ Terrible Sex Awards 2004

Top Five Nominations For Bad Erotica Of The Year Announced

Welcome to The Groany Awards 2004
Inspiration
Tom Wolfe has won the 2004 award for bad writing about sex in a novel, according to Yahoo News. One of his passages began: "Slither slither slither slither went the tongue."

Today this web paper is publishing excerpts from the top five nominations received so far for Bad Amateur Erotica of the Year, 2004.

Published in association with The Groany Awards, your submissions are welcomed, please see the foot of this article.

5
Victoria Huberson: Victoria's Thimbles

"Ugh! Oooh. No... No.... Huh?" said she, hurriedly. Then the drilling started again in the upstairs flat. The workmen had returned. "Darn it!" she said, startled.

The lovers looked at each other in the half light and frowned. Jenny got up, donned her matron's uniform, for that was all she had to hand, and went to investigate, clutching her stethoscope in her weakened right arm.

 
4
Henry Horea: A Fat Chocolate Pudding for Breakfast

"Slurp. Slurpy slurp slurp. Sssssstipcth. ssssssssssssss. A TISS-UE-AAA!" he roared. The canary, watching from on top of the vestibule, fell off it's perch.

There followed a brief silence and then the lovers heard the canary flapping to it's feet and back to sit astride its perch once more...

 
3
Inkly Sheldon: A Noose of Merriment Upon a Scaffold of Dripping Juices

Her hand glided with the feathery-lightest of touches upon her lover's breast. She applied only the slightest touch, just a tickle, indeed. An ickle tickle even.

Her lover, eyes closed, felt aroused by her semi-touch, the almost touch which offered so much in prospect and yet, at the same time, was not much at all. Her fingers could not have been more feather like if they were, indeed, a feather in the first place...

 
2
Michael Antrim: A Cobblers Dozen in A Neanderthal World
He grunted. She grunted. He grunted again. She grunted and moaned at him for grunting too loudly. He grunted loudly again just for the hell of it...
 
1
Napoleon Williams: A Man In The Sausage Suit Gets a Surprise

Their tongues met. He had thought it would be hesitant at first, in view of his cumbersome all-body sausage costume, but it wasn't. She stuck her head in the space allowed for his face to poke through and she kissed him with a passion he had only read about in bad erotica before.

She kissed him in an enthusiastic, yappy dog type way, and he felt good and warm and felt pride that his nose felt cleaner, damper. And the good thing was that he couldn't remove her, she clung on with both hands, kissing, kissing, as he continued to walk down the road...

 
If you would like to nominate a passage feel free to e-mail us one or two paragraphs to editor@theVoiceofReason.com
 
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