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Top Five Nominations For Bad Erotica
Of The Year Announced
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Welcome to The Groany Awards 2004
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Inspiration
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Tom
Wolfe has won the 2004 award for bad writing about
sex in a novel, according to Yahoo
News. One of his passages began:
"Slither slither slither slither went the tongue."
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Today
this web paper is publishing excerpts from the top five
nominations received so far for Bad Amateur Erotica of the
Year, 2004.
Published
in association with The Groany Awards, your submissions
are welcomed, please see the foot of this article.
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5
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Victoria
Huberson: Victoria's Thimbles
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"Ugh!
Oooh. No... No.... Huh?" said she, hurriedly.
Then the drilling started again in the upstairs flat.
The workmen had returned. "Darn it!" she
said, startled.
The
lovers looked at each other in the half light and
frowned. Jenny got up, donned her matron's uniform,
for that was all she had to hand, and went to investigate,
clutching her stethoscope in her weakened right arm.
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4
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Henry
Horea: A Fat Chocolate Pudding for Breakfast
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"Slurp.
Slurpy slurp slurp. Sssssstipcth. ssssssssssssss.
A TISS-UE-AAA!" he roared. The canary,
watching from on top of the vestibule, fell off it's
perch.
There
followed a brief silence and then the lovers heard
the canary flapping to it's feet and back to sit astride
its perch once more...
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3
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Inkly
Sheldon: A Noose of Merriment Upon a Scaffold of Dripping
Juices
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Her
hand glided with the feathery-lightest of touches
upon her lover's breast. She applied only the slightest
touch, just a tickle, indeed. An ickle tickle even.
Her
lover, eyes closed, felt aroused by her semi-touch,
the almost touch which offered so much in prospect
and yet, at the same time, was not much at all. Her
fingers could not have been more feather like if they
were, indeed, a feather in the first place...
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2
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Michael
Antrim: A Cobblers Dozen in A Neanderthal World
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| He
grunted. She grunted. He grunted again. She grunted
and moaned at him for grunting too loudly. He grunted
loudly again just for the hell of it... |
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1
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Napoleon
Williams: A Man In The Sausage Suit Gets a Surprise
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Their
tongues met. He had thought it would be hesitant at
first, in view of his cumbersome all-body sausage
costume, but it wasn't. She stuck her head in the
space allowed for his face to poke through and she
kissed him with a passion he had only read about in
bad erotica before.
She
kissed him in an enthusiastic, yappy dog type way,
and he felt good and warm and felt pride that his
nose felt cleaner, damper. And the good thing was
that he couldn't remove her, she clung on with both
hands, kissing, kissing, as he continued to walk down
the road...
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