Now
that President George W Bush is safely outside British airspace (following his
state visit to England), we can reveal here, for the first time, what was probably
the biggest security threat he faced during the visit... Join us as we ask: "Was
the President in any danger when he ate Mushy Peas during the traditional fish
and chips pub lunch with Prime Minister Tony Blair on Friday...?" Mushy
Peas are 'industrially processed' peas which are mashed up into an almost-pulp
[with a green colour added (otherwise they would be brown)] and then sealed in
a can. They are then carefully opened in the traditional English Chippy (fish
and chip shop), warmed up, and then slopped liberally over fish and chips. Historical
'Did you know?' | 1418:
In poorly lit English pubs Mushy Peas had a fluorescent dye added to enable dining
without the need for expensive candles. |
|
Our
security advisors have told us that President Bush's security was never more at
risk than while he ate these Mushy Peas. Mushy
Peas taste like a nicely warm rug. | 'Does
the President know what Mushy Peas are made out of?' |
|
It
is true that, throughout the entire history of the Mushy Pea, no dignitary visiting
England has died from eating them, but this is the first time we have ever heard
of a visiting dignitary ever being given them to eat. The Queen of England has
probably never even heard of them, even less likely eaten them. Mushy
Peas were given a major boost in the 1970's with the release of the movie
The Exorcist - the projectile vomit is widely believed to have
been inspired by Mushy Peas. Mushy
Peas have become more popular than tomato ketchup in some parts of England. Survey | During
the President's state visit to England over 120,000 people demonstrated against
the visit on the streets of London. In
our survey, taken at Westminster Bridge Thursday night, 35% of the demonstrators
questioned said that if President Bush ate Mushy Peas during his stay it would
make up in large part for lying about the reasons for going to war in Iraq. |
-*-*-*-*- This
is the official English Pub Lunch Menu prepared for the President's visit: Ye
Olde Englifh Menu Starters Tripe'
n 'Onions (Layers
of cooked fat 'n' onions) Mini
Faggots (Small
meatballs, made out of various undisclosed "meats") Pilchards
in tomato sauce (Processed
fish) Pork
Scratchings (Pork
flavoured crisps/chips) Main
Course Bubble
and Squeak (Cabbage
and potato fried together in lard) Bangers
and Mash (Sausages
and mashed potato) Toad
in the Hole (Sausages
in batter/Yorkshire pudding) Fish
and Chips served in newspaper (with traditional wooden two pronged fork) (Optional
extras: Mushy Peas, Onion Gravy, Curry Sauce) Afters Spotted
Dick with custard (Sweet
pudding with currants/sultanas) Clotted
Cream and Scones (Margarine
thick/coloured cream and sweet buns with currents) |
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