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The movie cover-up shame of Arnold Schwarzenegger
How the delayed release of movie 'Collateral Damage' led us to discover a larger cover-up
Movie mayhem

Arnold Schwarzenegger has made over 18 movies that have been 'deliberately forgotten about', had their release 'indefinitely postponed', or were 'incinerated using controlled explosions to prevent them being revealed were he ever to decide to run for public office', this we can now reveal.

Today, for the first time on any web site in the world, we can report what some of these movies were, as we ask:

Is Arnold Schwarzenegger the rock-hard-pec'd be-muscled pillar of upstanding movie-entertainment that he would want us to believe?

The lengths that Schwarzenegger's management has gone to suppress these 'forgotten' movies is one of the most shocking examples of naked (or at least shirt off) political ambition that we have ever seen.

We began our investigation in late 2001 after being invited to a prerelease screening of Collateral Damage, at the time Schwarzenegger's latest release.

This was on September 9, 2001.

Events then overtook the world. When we called Warner Brothers on September, 13, to ask whether the movie's release was to be delayed, after a few pauses, and being put on hold for 25 minutes (with Ricky Martin singing at twice normal speed), we were eventually told that the movie did not exist, that it had never existed, and, were we to say anything to the contrary, we would be hearing from 'some very expensive lawyers in the morning'.

Shocked, and yet, at the same time, excited, by the Watergatedness of these developments, our reviewer, who had personally sat through the prerelease of the movie, called senior management at the studio calling them liars and threatening them, inappropriately, with kung fu moves that don't exist.

By 5pm on September, 15, the studio had changed their story. Yes the movie did exist. Yes, with the benefit of hindsight, this is a really badly timed movie, but even so, yes it will be released in due course. They then apologized for their 'corporate amnesia', blaming it on the introduction of a new anti-terrorism siren introduced at central office.

It was around this time that a man in a dark garage told us this was just the tip of the iceberg and encouraged us to investigate further.

For the next two years we tracked down as many of the 18 'lost' Schwarzenegger movies, most of which now only exist in the memories of people too scared to come forward to talk openly. So, after some of the most exorbitant travel expenses in post Watergate history, of early morning breakfasts in seedy diners, sitting on the edge of beds talking quietly in crummy motels, singing around camp fires and dancing in a grass skirt at a Hoola party in Hawaii, we can now reveal four of the forgotten Schwarzenegger movies:

1972: Seminal Australian Movie

The Dunny Dreamer (1972) - Australian Film Corporation. Then named Arnold Strong, our hero plays Mickey Hutchense, a 'Dunnyman', in the 1940's Australian outback. Due to the lack of a sewerage system in Australian homes at this time in history, the Dunnyman was the most important member of the village, removing household sewerage from houses to stop disease spreading. In this seminal movie we see our hero go from door to door befriending fat-ish Australian women called Sheila, but never losing his dream of being ever more muscled on a worldwide stage.

Fiddler on the Roof (1983) - Paramount Pictures - remake of classic movie. Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Tevye, the character made famous by Topol in the original version. His singing voice has been blanked out, a rare security measure undertaken to stop people like us reporting what it sounded like. Witnesses tell us that, when singing the song 'If I were a rich man', Schwarzenegger "sounded like a hippopotamus with salt poured on an open wound".

Twins sequel - Destroyed by studio in "Controlled explosion"

Quadruplets (1994) - Nostrodamus Pictures - following up from Twins, the Danny Devito hit, Schwarzenegger is joined this time by Silvestor Stalone, Herve Vilichaize and Verne Troyer in a 'hilarious' Moroccan based mistaken identity comedy, involving the fish trade and fast cars.

Kindergarten Governor (2004) - Muscley Pictures inc - Sequel to Kindergarten Cop - an undercover, but once very muscled, actor, becomes California Governor, rescuing the state from an incompetent, but not very muscled, administration.

Our investigation continues...

If you have any information about any of the other 14 suppressed Schwarzenegger movies, please let us know at editor@thevoiceofreason.com

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