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Daytime television Rumpologist offers help in search for WMD
Can the ancient art of butt study help in Iraq?
Rumpology is the ancient study of human bottoms, from which personality traits can be discovered.

A controversial daytime television Rumpologist has offered her services in the search for Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction.

"Each person's bottom is like a butt sized fingerprint of their soul", she told us.

"Knows more than he is letting on" says rumpologist

Marge Thwuckery, daytime television rumpologist, has studied butts since she was a teenager, but only became a rumpologist full-time after a tabloid editor gave her an offer she couldn't refuse.

She claims to be able to tell if a person knows more than they claim by studying the shape of their sitting piece.

Dishonest: Round flatish bottom: suggests she "has hidden map of WMDs"

A worried looking Colonel told us: "WMDs are hidden in Iraq and any help we can get from anyone at the moment is a bonus. I'll give anything a try once, although probably not the ancient art of dickology, although I haven't made up my mind on clitology yet."

The TV Rumpologist claims that people with a certain shape of bottom are more likely to know the whereabouts of WMD's than others.

Ms Thwuckery is soon to leave for the Middle East where she is to interrogate captured members of the deck of cards.

--- Butt briefing ---

Dishonest: This botty is screaming "The C4 is at coordinate 233-455"

A butt with dimples is deeply dishonest.

[Intelligence sources suggest that Saddam has found ways of puffing out a dimpled bottom as, whilst undoubtedly dishonest to a rumpologist, they are great strategists and come over really well on television.]

"An honest botty. I would buy a used car from this person", rumpologist told us

Round flatish bottoms, too, suggest knowing more than they are letting on.

The moon shaped botty, however, shows innocence and it's owner is unlikely to know anything bad.


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