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Definition
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Rumpology
is the ancient study of human bottoms, from which
personality traits can be discovered.
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A
controversial daytime television Rumpologist has offered her
services in the search for Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction.
"Each
person's bottom is like a butt sized fingerprint of their
soul", she told us.
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"Knows
more than he is letting on" says rumpologist
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Marge
Thwuckery, daytime television rumpologist, has studied butts
since she was a teenager, but only became a rumpologist full-time
after a tabloid editor gave her an offer she couldn't refuse.
She
claims to be able to tell if a person knows more than they
claim by studying the shape of their sitting piece.
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Dishonest:
Round flatish bottom: suggests she "has hidden
map of WMDs"
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A
worried looking Colonel told us: "WMDs are hidden in
Iraq and any help we can get from anyone at the moment is
a bonus. I'll give anything a try once, although probably
not the ancient art of dickology, although I haven't made
up my mind on clitology yet."
The
TV Rumpologist claims that people with a certain shape of
bottom are more likely to know the whereabouts of WMD's than
others.
Ms
Thwuckery is soon to leave for the Middle East where she is
to interrogate captured members of the deck of cards.
---
Butt briefing ---
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Dishonest:
This botty is screaming "The C4 is at coordinate
233-455"
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A
butt with dimples is deeply dishonest.
[Intelligence
sources suggest that Saddam has found ways of puffing out
a dimpled bottom as, whilst undoubtedly dishonest to a rumpologist,
they are great strategists and come over really well on television.]
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"An
honest botty. I would buy a used car from this
person", rumpologist told us
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Round
flatish bottoms, too, suggest knowing more than they are letting
on.
The
moon shaped botty, however, shows innocence and it's owner
is unlikely to know anything bad.
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