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Live
from somewhere safe
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Ivor
Konjilenko
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Ivor
Konjilenko, otherwise known as Saddam Hussein number 5, has
confirmed his intention to stand for Iraq president in the
country's first democratic elections, we have been informed.
Mr
Konjilenko currently lives in exile in Zimbabwe, but is planning
a triumphant return to the country, to be with "his people",
once the US agrees his visa. This is thought to be unlikely.
Ivor
is an internationally regarded pacifist, tree hugger and Rotarian,
who cannot even talk about blood without feeling 'slightly
iffy.'
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Mr
Konjilenko originally fell out with the Saddam administration
after performing in an unauthorized conjuring show at a 10
year old's birthday party.
Mr
Konjilenko is a paid up member of Greenpeace, helps the homeless
and enjoys whittling.
He
is believed to own five Pat Boone albums.
He
has pledged to 'return Iraq to normalcy as soon as possible',
and act as a bridge to a new, freer, country.
His
wife, who has managed to 'loot' a set of Tariq Aziz spectacles,
says she will be prepared to work in a Konjilenko administration.
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