Rolling
news channels around the world reported earlier today that Osama bin laden, 'the
most evil man in the universe and beyond', had been caught. The
rumour was that George Bush was getting ready to announce that bin Laden is being
held, during a rare presidential address, later today. White
House source | 
Read my lips. This story is completely false. |
George
W Bush rarely gives news conferences, preferring to take a nap. White
House source | Never
in the course of human reporting has a rumour been more wrong. |
According
to the rumour, the President was to announce that bin Laden had been caught in
a secret location by elite Marines, coming in from the east under cover of darkness,
taking the leader by surprise as he laid his sleepy head on a stone for a pillow.
White
House source |
If I take this rumour and throw it in the air will it fly?
No. Why, you ask? Because it's a FRIGGIN LIE! |
George
Bush's announcement to an excited world press was then to be followed by the revelation
that the terrorist leader was to be held in a safe and secure prison, possibly
at sea and not in Guantanamo Bay. The
rumour didn't say anything about the post-arrest picture of bin Laden, so we took
the opportunity to speculate on how hairy he was likely to be with our professional
body hair stylists. White
House source |
What part of the sentence 'this is a f***** rumour don't
you understand? |
However,
to spoil our fun, and the other rolling news agencies, the rumour was denied almost
immediately by the White House. We
initially believed this denial was simply a diversion, so continued questioning
the White House until they eventually threw things at us. But
it now seems the White House was right all along. The
President used the speech to outline progress made on his war against "terratude"
and didn't mention bin Laden's arrest at all. --
Clooney rumour -- Rumours
that George Clooney is to play Osama bin Laden in a movie of the evil doers life
have been completely made up by this site. --
Ryder rumour -- Rumours
that Winona Ryder is to play Saddam Hussein in a TV docudrama have also been made
up by this site.
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