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Rolling
news channels around the world reported earlier today that
Osama bin laden, 'the most evil man in the universe and beyond',
had been caught.
The
rumour was that George Bush was getting ready to announce
that bin Laden is being held, during a rare presidential address,
later today.
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White
House source
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Read my lips. This story is completely
false. |
George
W Bush rarely gives news conferences, preferring to take a
nap.
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White
House source
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Never
in the course of human reporting has a rumour been more
wrong.
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According
to the rumour, the President was to announce that bin Laden
had been caught in a secret location by elite Marines, coming
in from the east under cover of darkness, taking the leader
by surprise as he laid his sleepy head on a stone for a pillow.
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White
House source
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If I take this rumour and throw
it in the air will it fly? No. Why, you ask? Because
it's a FRIGGIN LIE!
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George
Bush's announcement to an excited world press was then to
be followed by the revelation that the terrorist leader was
to be held in a safe and secure prison, possibly at sea and
not in Guantanamo Bay.
The
rumour didn't say anything about the post-arrest picture of
bin Laden, so we took the opportunity to speculate on how
hairy he was likely to be with our professional body hair
stylists.
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White
House source
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What part of the sentence 'this
is a f***** rumour don't you understand?
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However,
to spoil our fun, and the other rolling news agencies, the
rumour was denied almost immediately by the White House.
We
initially believed this denial was simply a diversion, so
continued questioning the White House until they eventually
threw things at us.
But
it now seems the White House was right all along.
The
President used the speech to outline progress made on his
war against "terratude" and didn't mention bin Laden's
arrest at all.
--
Clooney rumour --
Rumours
that George Clooney is to play Osama bin Laden in a movie
of the evil doers life have been completely made up by this
site.
--
Ryder rumour --
Rumours
that Winona Ryder is to play Saddam Hussein in a TV docudrama
have also been made up by this site.
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