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Osama's bin caught?
Did the White House hesitate before denying this rumour?

Rolling news channels around the world reported earlier today that Osama bin laden, 'the most evil man in the universe and beyond', had been caught.

The rumour was that George Bush was getting ready to announce that bin Laden is being held, during a rare presidential address, later today.

White House source
Read my lips. This story is completely false.

George W Bush rarely gives news conferences, preferring to take a nap.

White House source
Never in the course of human reporting has a rumour been more wrong.

According to the rumour, the President was to announce that bin Laden had been caught in a secret location by elite Marines, coming in from the east under cover of darkness, taking the leader by surprise as he laid his sleepy head on a stone for a pillow.

White House source
If I take this rumour and throw it in the air will it fly? No. Why, you ask? Because it's a FRIGGIN LIE!

George Bush's announcement to an excited world press was then to be followed by the revelation that the terrorist leader was to be held in a safe and secure prison, possibly at sea and not in Guantanamo Bay.

The rumour didn't say anything about the post-arrest picture of bin Laden, so we took the opportunity to speculate on how hairy he was likely to be with our professional body hair stylists.

White House source
What part of the sentence 'this is a f***** rumour don't you understand?

However, to spoil our fun, and the other rolling news agencies, the rumour was denied almost immediately by the White House.

We initially believed this denial was simply a diversion, so continued questioning the White House until they eventually threw things at us.

But it now seems the White House was right all along.

The President used the speech to outline progress made on his war against "terratude" and didn't mention bin Laden's arrest at all.

-- Clooney rumour --

Rumours that George Clooney is to play Osama bin Laden in a movie of the evil doers life have been completely made up by this site.

-- Ryder rumour --

Rumours that Winona Ryder is to play Saddam Hussein in a TV docudrama have also been made up by this site.

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