| This
report has been prepared under Microsoft war restrictions |
News that
the US is to send a further 120,000 troops to the Gulf is being blamed on a defective
Troops  Wizard
in Microsoft Project 95 (Military Edition), we can exclusively reveal.
Microsoft Project 95 (Military Edition) is the software of choice of the army
currently in action in Iraq.  Initially
the entire battle plan was for a quick 5 day conflict, but this has since been
extended by a "quick'n'easy" mouse movement (this was a new feature
introduced in '95).
As
the sales pack said: "Projects big and small can be conveniently re-dated
in Microsoft Project 95 with our world exclusive one click and a pull all the
way rightwards feature." The
conflict has now been extended until June 1998. A
Microsoft spokesman confirmed to us: "A
year 2000 issue raises a fatal exception preventing a war lasting any longer than
minus four years if any of the project dependencies are after year 2000." -
Other features -  Microsoft
Project (Military Edition) offers commanders a number of useful Wizards, such
as the 'which Saddam is this?' wizard, the 'Weather wizard' (with a download available
for sandstorms) and 'the Middle East is
about to erupt into anti-American hatred whaddahell are we gonna do now?' wizard
which Microsoft are continuing to develop.
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