Fozzy Bear was once the only US citizen allowed into a Paris
cafe as he was judged, by a panel of locals, to be the most
'culturally advanced' and 'least loud' out of the whole American
French fries were originally invented for a king who wanted
edible tooth picks.
French kissing was invented in the 17th century by King Baguette
9th. Originally the lavish tongue movements were designed
to get the best taste out of a large snail, but it was modified
later to allow two people to 'fish' for a snail in two mouths
at the same time. The first official French kiss without the
snail occurred in 1798.
We all know that the French gave the Statue of Liberty to
the USA, the statue that was eventually delivered, however,
was not the original one. Originally the middle finger could
be seen sticking up at the end of an outstretched arm.
In some arrondissements in Paris, it is still illegal to be
an American on Wednesday mornings before 11am.
All American movies shown in French theatres must be dubbed
using actors on helium, apart from Woody Allen movies which
The French really do stink of garlic. Not only do French people
eat too much garlic in their food, they also use it as perfume,
dabbing it behind their ears and under their arm pits.
The French have a tourist map (Le Carte Touristez Americana)
which they only ever sell to American Tourists - the map is
reprinted every month. In this map, landmarks are put in randomly
selected places and the most popular American hotels are "hidden"
under oversized bushes.
French bicycles stop only when you sit down hard on the seat
(le bot-plonk). It is now illegal for a French bicycle trader
to tell an American tourist this. The brakes on the handlebars
have been disconnected during the summer months due to a by-law.
(European note: Peddling backwards only makes the brakes work
in Amsterdam and some of the Greek islands.)
All French made autos have a GPS chip in them which allows
control of the vehicle to be taken over by a French control
room whenever least convenient, or when eating fast food.