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Hussein,
making 'nick-knock' sound
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Iraq:
In the week before the UN arms inspectors report, which is
widely expected to show that Saddam is lying through every
greasy whisker of his evil black-and-soup-laden moustache,
latest intelligence reports suggest that things are already
falling apart deep in his Baghdad bunker.
Reports
from the region are confused, but there are suggestions that
there is a noise emanating from Saddam Hussein. This suggests
that the dictator's rule is near to an end, say UK government
analysts:
"The
president of Iraq is not just being rattled by the military
build up, he has actually started to rattle."
Sources
suggest that 'the rattle' is similar to a toy whose batteries
are running low, but other reports suggest its more like a
"wonky" wheel on a go-cart which is 'going fast
down a hill'.
British
Intelligence service MI6 has gone a step further, suggesting
that the dictator is making a loud 'nick-knock type sound'
- like a football supporter's rattle, but a little quieter,
and at half the speed.
This
makes speech difficult and running without being heard impossible.
The
dictator has shunned international media interviews since
the nick-knocking sound started, and all domestic addresses
are recorded beforehand, with the voice dubbed in later.
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International briefing -
Dictators
and unexpected noises are not a rarity:
Evil
Robert Mugabe, of Zimbabwe, holds the world record
for the number of mouth burps in a minute.
Evil
Colonel Quadaffi, of Libya, sits on cushions whenever
possible to muffle his bottom trumps.
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