| |
| Hussein,
making 'nick-knock' sound | Iraq:
In the week before the UN arms inspectors report, which is widely expected to
show that Saddam is lying through every greasy whisker of his evil black-and-soup-laden
moustache, latest intelligence reports suggest that things are already falling
apart deep in his Baghdad bunker. Reports
from the region are confused, but there are suggestions that there is a noise
emanating from Saddam Hussein. This suggests that the dictator's rule is near
to an end, say UK government analysts: "The
president of Iraq is not just being rattled by the military build up, he has actually
started to rattle." Sources
suggest that 'the rattle' is similar to a toy whose batteries are running low,
but other reports suggest its more like a "wonky" wheel on a go-cart
which is 'going fast down a hill'. British
Intelligence service MI6 has gone a step further, suggesting that the dictator
is making a loud 'nick-knock type sound' - like a football supporter's rattle,
but a little quieter, and at half the speed. This
makes speech difficult and running without being heard impossible. The
dictator has shunned international media interviews since the nick-knocking sound
started, and all domestic addresses are recorded beforehand, with the voice dubbed
in later. -
International briefing - Dictators
and unexpected noises are not a rarity:
Evil
Robert Mugabe, of Zimbabwe, holds the world record for the number of mouth
burps in a minute. Evil
Colonel Quadaffi, of Libya, sits on cushions whenever possible to muffle his
bottom trumps.
| 
