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Aria man to sing the Onion?
Tenor to sing classics from America's finest news source
The Three Tenors have been sounded out to see if they are willing to work on an album of Opera-ified Onion classics.

The Onion, which is world renowned for its Area man stories, wants to release an album wittily entitled 'Aria man sings The Onion', we have been told.

The company's marketing people have told reporters that they are 'excited about reworking a number of their headlines for the Opera market by simply changing the word Area to Aria - a joke which is both funny and economical as it reuses our extensive back catalogue of stories'.

The following headlines have been selected as possible stories that can be adjusted for the Opera-ification.

Area Man Told His Limp Could Be Considered As Performance Art By Street Bum
Area Woman Arraigned For Graffiti Spelling Error, Says She Will Take a Dictionary With Her Next Time
Area Man Sets off Airport Security Alarms After Eating Rocket Burger
Overweight Area Dieting Man Took All Day To Pull On Pair Of Old Pants, Rewards Himself With Cake

If this strategy is successful, the Onion brand is to be used to rework a CD of classic tracks, such as:

Area Baby light my fire
Area girl, you'll be an area woman soon
I can't get no satisfaction (in this area)

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