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Saddam: When Terrifying Dictators Hide

TV spooftigation

How did Saddam Hussein manage to evade capture for 8 whole months?

Here is a selectively edited transcript of tonight's program...

©WBC1 Tonight 9pm

"When Saddam Hussein was eventually captured from down the spider-hole, the world got to see, quite literally, the fillings in his teeth. But, what led up to this moment of complete, open-mouthed, dental humiliation?"

"Tonight, for the first time ever, we discover what other humiliations Saddam suffered while he was still the world's Number One: Most terrifying dictator on the run..."

End of Part One

Claim: "Saddam lived for 5 weeks in this rolled up carpet"

"Saddam spent a total of 3 months lying in a hole underground. Here he would sleep, eat Mars bars, and look, shiftily, from side-to-side."

"When Saddam wasn't lying down a spider-hole, in an ordinary hole or shallow trench, the terrifying dictator would be found hiding in other uncomfortable places, such as in wicker laundry baskets, and in this roll of carpet, seen here for the very first time in the West."

End of Part Two

Low level Saddam Skeedaddle!

"Wicker laundry baskets gave Saddam everyday, immediate, Scooby Doo levels of cover."

"The dictator would never go anywhere without a wicker basket, into which he would jump during low levels of danger."

"Here, Saddam would sustain himself by nibbling away at Mars bars, drink warm Snapple, but most of the time he just sat listening, with his eyes looking from side-to-side."

End of Part Three

"But when his eye's weren't shifting side-to-side, Saddam would prepare his radio address to the nation, which on one occasion he recorded from inside a wicker basket."

Offers flooding in

"What of the future? Saddam is now one of the world's most accomplished potholers. An agent told us the offers could be lucrative."

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