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Ozzy Osbourne to star in Quadrophenia 2

He may have four wheels now, but he's still only gonna use one of them!

Reality TV star Ozzy Osbourne is Jimmy Cooper in...

It's 2004 and Jimmy Cooper, now 56, has completely sold out on the Mod ideals he championed in British 60's based cult movie Quadrophenia.

40 years on, Jimmy is now the world's most loved Rocker, thanks to his reality TV show on which he doesn't sing.

Jimmy lives his life day-to-day as an international megastar just so that he can scrape enough money together to hang out with teenhood buddies Dave, Chalky and Spider at the weekends; together they go out caus'in trouble'n'stuff just like they did when they were lads growing up in 1965.

But two wheeled Mod scooters are no longer enough. Today, only four wheel Quad Bikes will do...

But Jimmy's past is about to catch up with him. Unbeknownst to Jimmy, Rocker Kevin has managed to get a job in Jimmy's garage and will stop at nothing until his international megastar Nemesis, with enormous houses in Los Angeles, Malibu and Hertfordshire, ends up lying on his back on a ventilator in a hospital in Slough, England.

What our panel of critical bystanders thought:

"Ozzy! Did you forget to take your 'slowing down' pill? It was number 36 on your daily pill schedule!"

"I am a nun who has an enormous crush on dear Ozzy! I hear he is in a neck brace now. Damnation! What's a good Christian girl to do surrounded by temptation such as this?"

"Whenever Ozzy talks, all I hear are the expletives. He makes no sense to me at all. Even so, I'm thinking of having one of his tattoos on my knee."

This is a spoof

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