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Husband And Wife Admit They Can Only Truly Communicate In Country Song

Is life just a musical with a bad score?

This is a guest feature from our sister paper Women at that certain age, edited by Prudence Ray

"It's been a good marriage, but the conversation just stopped ten years ago. So we took up line dancing, hoping that would fill the conversation gap. It served us well and gave us songs to sing in the shower and the breakfast bar..."

That from Sheryl Thwachery, a woman of a certain age, who has discovered a more fulfilling life now she has discovered the middle aged joys of Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers.

Sheryl says she can now express her most intimate hopes through the medium of Dollyspeak, the front weighted country queen who wears wigs on her head.

"I married very young: Jod was my first real boyfriend who licked back",

said Sheryl, a friendly, puppy faced, wife, heaving a catering sized Hagen Daaz from the fridge and eating it straight from the tub with a small spoon. (She had tiny hands and feet.) The sugar made her remember how she met her beau, Jod...

"There were very few people out this way of our age so we just happened to bump into each other walking down the street one day. He said, "I kind'a like ya" and I said "I kind'a like ya too."

"We got married 2 weeks later."

"At first we never saw each other much, he was always away digging for the company, so we didn't really notice that we didn't have much to say to each other. It was only when he was promoted to Digger Supervisor that we started to spend more time together - he only had to turn up to work to start them digging in the morning and then tell them to stop at night so he was always home. We realised that we needed to fill in the good-for-nothing silences."

"We started off playing country tracks at breakfast, but soon they accompanied all our meals until we rarely talked at all."

"Then we got into something of a rut, I suppose, and started putting on certain tracks to show how we felt, or what we wanted to do."

"A couplea times we would have an argument completely using the medium of song, just we put the volume way up high, and lip synched more tragically."

"That's when the neighbours started complaining and they were more contemporary rock type country fans and it was quite easy for them to out-volume us."

Since this interview, Sherl and Jod have died tragically in a bizarre incident involving breast implants and gray hair wigs.

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