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Tabloid Horoscope Writer Admits To Making 'Much Of It' Up

I have never seen the conjunction, says distraught mystic
Newspaper horoscope writer, Brian the Mystic, tells of the moment when he realised he had lost his 'gift' of seeing the future through the stars.

Brian the Mystic tells us his story:

"It all started with an honest, simple, mistake. I mistook Aquarius for Capricorn and jumbled up the two comments in my newspaper column for what must have been at least 18 months, until one of the cleaners straightened up my charts one night by accident..."

"...I realised, almost immediately, what had happened. Thankfully, nobody in editorial had noticed my glaring error."

"Writing tabloid horoscopes is hard work. It is important to get the charts the right way up before you write the first thing that comes into your head "

"But then it got me thinking. If I can make an honest mistake like that and get it wrong with a legitimate excuse, what if I just wrote the first thing that came into my mind every day? It would save loads of time..."

"So I started just making predictions up. I didn't bother consulting the charts at all. Sometimes I predicted things that just sounded good, or were optimistic."

"I am ashamed to say that I kept this up for about 5 years before being found out."

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