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How To Hide Drugs Properly

or don't get caught, advice for law breakers

If you wanted to smuggle cigarettes filled with pot, how should you hide them from security guards at airports?

Not in a make-up compact, that's for sure.

Singing sensation Patricia Longfellows was caught doing just that this week and she will have to defend herself in court.

So, what can we learn from where one of the world's favourite singers went wrong?

History of drug filled condoms

"Before the 1950's the only way to detect that a traveller was attempting to smuggle condoms filled with drugs was if the smuggler had a spontaneous attack of diarrhoea. But even this was only if the smuggler wore loose fitting underwear. The capture rate of travellers smuggling condoms increased in the late 1960's when underwear stopped being worn by drug smugglers - with underpants removed, the incidence of condom capture increased five fold."

Some smuggling tips:

To get through airport security:

Dress only in GAP clothing, no dreadlocks, DO NOT WEAR A HAT, if you have to run as fast as the wind through security look at the officer's pleadingly, learn to say with your eyes: 'I'm sorry, officer, I am in a hurry, my wife's having a baby (or I am having a baby depending on your apparent sex.)

If stopped before making your get away, there are a number of things you can do:

Remain calm, do not sweat profusely.

Chat calmly with the arresting officer but do not be over-friendly.

In most cases you will not be asked to wait in a side room, but if you are go calmly - stop that facial tick as this is a give away.

And remember if the worst comes to the worst:

If you are forced by the police to do the 'number two' you will have plenty of time to quickly swallow the condoms again as if nothing has happened, so do not worry.

Make sure you have a supply of peppermints in your pocket to help take the taste away.

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